Change...

Now that my life is just a huge mess, I am going to try to use this blog to help me...

So starting simple, my husband of a few years (with whom I have been since 1997) is leaving in 10 days to start a new job 5000miles away...(difficult to make it further I guess). I am not following this time, since our relationship is a mess anyway, and am going to become a single mom...lovely...here I am, a pathetic loser abandoned by the father of her child...great...

so I smoked 2 cigarettes, like this is going to help...of course it's not, and I am very sad. It is so difficult to let go the man of your dreams, the handsome Clooney like hero, so proud and sexy. Part of it is my fault and I feel a little guilty, and stupid. But part of is not and it is probably a good lesson for me on how I pick men, and how I stay like a mussel when the warning signs show up...

Coping, getting organized, being happy without him, my best friend of so many years, seems like a big challenge right now.

I don't feel like doing the things I used to love, like cooking or even seeing friends...I don't really know what to do...except smoking...

pffff